


Not sure about the death part

by GivemeanID



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Eldritch, Gen, Paperwork, Taxes, Tobirama getting off on Madara's suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 05:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20700605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GivemeanID/pseuds/GivemeanID
Summary: They say there are two sure things in life: death and taxes.Given that the Second Hokage favourite hobby was necromancy, the Konoha ninja tended to be unsure about the death part.





	Not sure about the death part

**Author's Note:**

> I had that idea while rewatching the Kakuzu and Hidan's part of the anime.

\- It is time to go on the battlefield ! an Edo Tenseied Hashirama claimed.

Minato and Hiruzen, as well as the Uchiha kid and his crew, nodded grimly, ready to fight. Tobirama, on the other, looked like he suddenly thought about something.

\- Just give me a minute, he said, I have an idea that can give us victory. I just need to see someone.

With these words, he vanished. The others waited, and thirty seconds later, the Nidaime was back among them. And Hashirama immediatly shuddered, because his brother was sporting The Face. And The Face was bad. The Face meant that somebody was gonna suffer horribly, probably was gonna have his reputation destroyed in a really humiliating way. Hashirama didn't like The Face. He was pitying Madara now.

\- Gentlemen, Tobirama cheered - and that was enough to make every single one of his companions cower in fear - , we can go.

************

Madara was laughing his head off. Perched on the Juubi's head, he was dominating the field. Every one was fleeing before him. He was the king and nobody could stop him, not even the reanimated Hokage, who had appeared on the battlefield a few minutes ago. 

Then Madara saw that infuriating bleached Senju's face and he stopped laughing. Because that was what Hashirama had called The Face. He spoke of it with dread in his voice. Madara arched a brow. What had that fucking bastard invented again ?

Exactly two seconds later, he heard :

\- Hum hum...

He spinned on his heels. A few feet away from him there was a black haired woman. She was wearing the Konoha jounin uniform, carrying a paperboard, a pen, had square glasses hiding her dead green eyes. She looked absolutely exhausted. Madara felt his brain bug. Because how the fuck did that woman appeared on the Juubi's head ?

\- Who the fuck are you ? he blurted.  
\- Sara Kirisaki, Konoha Taxes Department, she said in a tired voice, you are Madara Uchiha ?  
\- Yes ?  
\- Born in 27 before Konoha ?  
\- Yes ?  
\- You were affiliated to the Hidden Leaf Village, as Uchiha Clan Head, till your defection in 2 after Konoha's founding ?  
\- Yes ? he said again, not knowing what she wanted.  
\- Okay, she sighed.

She started writing quickly on her paperboard.

\- Madara Uchiha, before your defection, you forgot to file the defection file. Because of that, you are still considered a part of Konoha's workforce. Which means that you owes us sixty-three years worth of taxes. Plus the residence tax for your house. Plus the fines for not paying in time. Plus the interests. Plus the damages for your attack on the village, after your defection.

She stopped writing and stared at him with her dead eyes.

\- That makes us a total of seventy-nine millions two hundred and forty-six thousands sixty nine ryos of different taxes. 

Madara was becoming increasingly red and started to sound suspiciously like a boiling keetle.

\- You can pay that sum in totality now, or in several times, but if you choose the second option, there will be interests, approximately 5% of the total.

That was enough for Madara. He drew his gunbai and severed the woman in half. Sneering, he turned to the White Demon. So that was all this asshole had ? Sending a tax perceptor after him, seriously ? 

That was approximately at this moment that he took a knee to the side of the head. He landed heavily on his ass and looked around wildly, only to see the two parts of the woman's body surrounded by swarming black tentacles, that seemed made of pure darkness. In a second, the woman was whole again, her eyes were jet black and she looked pissed off.

\- Okay man, she growled, let me be clearer. Give me your fucking money, and maybe I won't skin you with your own gunbai.

************

Meanwhile, on the ground.

Tobirama was looking at the scene with hearts in his eyes.

\- Isn't she wonderful ? he said.  
\- You hired an Eldritch entity to take care of the taxes ? Hashirama moaned in disbelief.  
\- Yep ! I met her while I was experimenting with the Edo Tensei. She likes money and paperwork. She is perfect !  
\- Since when do we have a desertion file ? Minato asked, completely lost.  
\- Since the begining, Tobirama answered, looking really pleased and almost as terrifying as the Eldritch thing currently trying to castrate Madara on the Juubi's head.  
\- Tell me, Tobi, Hashirama started, you did that only to get off on Madara's suffering, didn't you ?  
\- Come on now, Anija, Tobirama smiled, the perfect picture of innocence, what makes you think that ?

Hashirama stared at the Juubi's head, where Sara Kirisaki, or whatever the name of that thing was, was hammering Madara into the ground with his own gunbai, screaming "GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!!!!", tentacles lashing everywhere. The whole thing was looking more and more like a mugging gone horribly wrong than a tentative of tax perception.

\- Oh nothing, Hashirama finally said.

Well, rest in peace Madara, he guessed.

**Author's Note:**

> And Tada !
> 
> I am working on the next chapter of Called to the sea, but I have also a lot of other ideas !
> 
> Would you be interested by an Omegaverse, but with role inversion ? Big hulking feral Omegas and small lithe delicate Alphas ? And the Alphas preen to seduce Omegas ?  
With the Senju Clan being notoriously Omega heavy and the Uchiha Clan being notoriously Alpha heavy. One Senju Omega (Tobirama of course) goes into heat in the middle of a battle and the entire Uchiha party immediatly start to dance ^^
> 
> Interested or not ?


End file.
